Quit Paintball?

It's been quite down moment for me these few months back.  Despite with having tournaments in the schedule since Hari Raya Aidilfitri ended...then way down to Aidiladha, field work and all, sometimes it's a bit exhausting when I got to deal with someone else's mess and got me involved, no matter how I tried to avoid it.  

More so, when some people whom you trusted to give you encouragement, but doing the opposite - is not helping either.  

Dealing with some issues - family, work and personal life...there are times that made me wanted to just throw everything away, give it all up so that all these people around me satisfied. 

There are times made me wonder, is this all that I been working for?  Why in certain part of my life, when it concerned about my work, I was judged not because of my real ability, but because of my blood relation and got me caught between those tangled mess around other people? 

I never wanted to tell it to some people out there, because I knew they will never understand.  Then one fine evening, all that I been thought for was true. People whom I thought knew me better, made a very unimaginable proposal, that is way beyond my wildest dreams those words uttered to me: QUIT.  Imagine that.  

For almost a week or so, that one particular word did played in my mind.  Weighing between what I already worked for this far, for something that I love, for something that I pour my blood, sweat for, I began to question the motives.  I began to think if there is another reason behind it.  Being in my world with another foot still outside the circle doesn't mean that someone knew what I been through, doesn't mean that someone has the right to say what I should give up, or telling me which 'righteous' path I should take, just because some people around me are not doing any good to me to mingle around (so I been told).

I love this sport.  From this small community, I am honored to get to know lots of amazing people in my life, from all walks of life.  Be it good or bad, this is the world that I am in.  The moment I walked into that field, putting on the facemask, is a different persona, my alter ego that not even my mom ever seen, nor my non-paintball friends will ever understand.  

Sure I cannot make everyone to like me.  If they don't like me in this community for whatever the reason is, haters will always be haters - be it with or without a reason.  Hate me for still remaining inside this community - that is your right.  Dislike me for what I do, that is your call.  But it's not up to you to tell me to walk out just because you tell me so.  

So dear haters, just because you own that little piece of heaven for yourself, doesn't mean that you got the right to ask someone to let go of things that they love to do.  Try imagine if the tables turned and see if you like it when you were told to give up your passion that you had been pouring out your soul and your time because of some reasons that you saw from one angle. 

Back to the main question, QUIT paintball  you say?

I decided to stay a little longer. 

You know what, maybe you will start living a little bit more happier if you stopped wasting your time judging me.    

p/s: To those who never give up on me, for being there - thank you.

I am a Dusun Tatana, and a Proud Sabahan!

I know I had been neglecting my blog for quite a long time.  Okay, same lame excuse..."I don't know what to write"...plus, I rant more in my Facebook nowadays.  

Anyway, few days ago, a news came up that not only shocked the Sabahans, but angered them as well (including me):

So when some mufti called that Sabah Muslim natives should call themselves 'Malays', I do totally understand why people are upset.  You see, in Sabah and Sarawak, it is normal for us to live as a family with different races and religions.  I had nephews and nieces who is half chinese, half dusun, half indian even...and few others.  There's always a mix here, with a mix there...and it is normal for us to be seen in wedding receptions or parties that there are 2 different buffet counters - one for non-halal food, and the other is halal food, in due respect to our muslim friends and relatives.

In which logic that my sabahan muslim natives should call themselves 'malay' then?  Because of religion?  I beg to differ.  It is possible to change religion, but in no way one can identify themselves as someone they are not.  A Dusun will always born as a Dusun.  A Chinese will always be a Chinese.  A Kadazan will always be a Kadazan, no matter what faith they believed in.  I am a Christian, but does that means I can change my race into a Romanian since I am a Roman Catholic?  

If that is hard for you to understand or differentiate between RACE and RELIGION, take food for example:  there's a piece of beef and chicken. Then the beef and chicken was cooked together in a pot to make a nice rendang.  When being serve, are you able to differentiate between beef and chicken meat in your plate?

Race has nothing to do with religion.  There is no way you can change the root of your bloodline no matter how you change your faith 10 thousand times over, unless you are reborn again in another life.  

So yeah...I am a Dusun Tatana, and 100% Sabahan.  I am a no 'lain-lain' in the form to fill in.  That's my identity and I am proud of it!