Always be remembered.

May this time of trial will unite everyone regardless of race or religion, to join hands in prayer, to pray for peace to our country, to keep all of us from harm.

May God save Sabah, Sarawak, Labuan.
May God save Malaya.
May God save Malaysia.
Have mercy on us.  
Grant us peace.

Amen.


"When prayers goes up, the blessings comes down." ~ Unknown

Try or Set it Free.

A friend asked me, "How do you get over someone that breaks your heart?"

My answer, "You don't.  You moved on, but that someone will always be there - in your memories.  Those tears, laughter you shared.  The good and bad times.  It's a healed wound, but the scar will be there. Each time you see those scars, it will remind you how strong you have been, how far you have been.  So the question is, would you want that wound to heal?"

Came to think about it, everything has a good start.  It starts with a hello.  It starts with a smile.  It starts with a heart that's open and accepting.  Somehow, it ends.  And it hurts.  Maybe to either one of the two, or maybe both.  Something that is good became...something so hurtful.  Love turns hate.  

I had my share.  Happy times, sad times, just like anybody else.

I believed that there is always something good in everyone, and I choose to see that.  Sometimes, people don't change.  They just showing their true colors.  Good things came to us as a blessing, the bad things happened as a lesson.

"I tried.  I wanted to worked it out, but it just don't work out the way I wanted."
Isn't everyone?  Here's the thing that most of us, including me always forgot to tell to ourselves, "At least I tried.  At least he/she tried.  At least we tried."

"If it doesn't work out?"
Set it free.  The hardest part, yes I know.  Easy said than done, yes I knew it too.  I did it.  No, I didn't do it because I don't have enough love to work for it (hello...this is reality!!!).  I didn't let go because I don't value that someone.  I did it because...I respect myself that I don't want to hurt myself with more lies and false hopes.  I did it because there is no point to hurt both sides by trying to chain a soul that no longer wants to be around me.

"Will he/she remember me, for all the things we did?  All the happy times together?"
Who knows?  If they truly did, even once loved us, maybe.  But if they don't...it's their loss for letting someone that appreciates them go.  

If it's meant to be, things will work out.  But if it doesn't, accept the fact that you deserve something better. Something good is waiting to be stored in your life...if only you willing to let go of people that no longer matters.

Hurt.  Forgive.  Move on.

Woi...go to work lah!!!! Have a nice day everyone!

Quit Paintball?

It's been quite down moment for me these few months back.  Despite with having tournaments in the schedule since Hari Raya Aidilfitri ended...then way down to Aidiladha, field work and all, sometimes it's a bit exhausting when I got to deal with someone else's mess and got me involved, no matter how I tried to avoid it.  

More so, when some people whom you trusted to give you encouragement, but doing the opposite - is not helping either.  

Dealing with some issues - family, work and personal life...there are times that made me wanted to just throw everything away, give it all up so that all these people around me satisfied. 

There are times made me wonder, is this all that I been working for?  Why in certain part of my life, when it concerned about my work, I was judged not because of my real ability, but because of my blood relation and got me caught between those tangled mess around other people? 

I never wanted to tell it to some people out there, because I knew they will never understand.  Then one fine evening, all that I been thought for was true. People whom I thought knew me better, made a very unimaginable proposal, that is way beyond my wildest dreams those words uttered to me: QUIT.  Imagine that.  

For almost a week or so, that one particular word did played in my mind.  Weighing between what I already worked for this far, for something that I love, for something that I pour my blood, sweat for, I began to question the motives.  I began to think if there is another reason behind it.  Being in my world with another foot still outside the circle doesn't mean that someone knew what I been through, doesn't mean that someone has the right to say what I should give up, or telling me which 'righteous' path I should take, just because some people around me are not doing any good to me to mingle around (so I been told).

I love this sport.  From this small community, I am honored to get to know lots of amazing people in my life, from all walks of life.  Be it good or bad, this is the world that I am in.  The moment I walked into that field, putting on the facemask, is a different persona, my alter ego that not even my mom ever seen, nor my non-paintball friends will ever understand.  

Sure I cannot make everyone to like me.  If they don't like me in this community for whatever the reason is, haters will always be haters - be it with or without a reason.  Hate me for still remaining inside this community - that is your right.  Dislike me for what I do, that is your call.  But it's not up to you to tell me to walk out just because you tell me so.  

So dear haters, just because you own that little piece of heaven for yourself, doesn't mean that you got the right to ask someone to let go of things that they love to do.  Try imagine if the tables turned and see if you like it when you were told to give up your passion that you had been pouring out your soul and your time because of some reasons that you saw from one angle. 

Back to the main question, QUIT paintball  you say?

I decided to stay a little longer. 

You know what, maybe you will start living a little bit more happier if you stopped wasting your time judging me.    

p/s: To those who never give up on me, for being there - thank you.

Ruins...

Elizabeth Gilbert once wrote, "Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

So how many ruins we had in our lives before we actually transforming ourselves for something better?
 I no longer can recall how many times I had fallen down so hard, trying to get back up again without having the urge to give up, let go and just...stop living.

Those painful moments where my world just crumbled down, leaving me nothing my just barely bits and pieces of what I had left, and building another same foundation again to believe, to have faith once again that things, that life is gonna be okay.

The moments where sometimes I am getting my hands full...one hand clinging to the people who wanted to get back up again, yet at the same time, another hand was clinging tightly to anything that I can hang on, so that I won't fall.  Yet there are times where I feel like as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff, waiting, watching my back so no one can push me down.  Yet, so many times, they did.

As my own world crumbled apart, with no one to help me picking up the pieces; when everyone I knew avoiding me like plague - I am amused at myself that I still can get up, walked and yes, very much alive..to the very surprise of those who love to see me fall.

Sometimes I felt like I was forced to keep my life transparent - that I been watched every step I took, every single word I uttered, the people who wanted to know why I was laughing and finding a way to stop me from laughing, to wipe that smile from my face; the very same people who wanted to know the cause of my tears so there will be more tears to be squeeze out from me.  I can't talk to someone without anyone asking me the reason why, what we are talking about.  I can't be seen with anyone as if it was always a shame for anyone to be with me. 

I no longer bother to ask why no one was there for me when I needed them.  because it doesn't matter anymore.
I stopped waiting for someone to be there when my world is falling apart.
I no longer wishes for a hug, for someone to be there to listen, to share my bad times because no one will be there but me anyway. 

When is the last time someone came to me and tell me that everything is going to be okay? I can't even remember.

In a way...Elizabeth Gilbert is right.  Ruin is a gift.  Ruin is the road to transformation.  For each time what I had, what I longed for is lost...it turns me into someone that knew how it was when someone else was having the hardest time of their lives. 

But that doesn't mean that I will allow myself to be used, ruined once again. 
A new transformation has begun.

When Tragedy Happens...

Heard and read about friends who are into challenging times lately.  Can't help much but I hope this might be in some comfort to you...

So...hang on there.  

Stay positive, heads up and stay strong!  *big hugs*

Dying Rose...

Most of the time I took photos and then just let it 'fermented' in my hard disk, only to randomly open it one fine day and realised 'Oh, I actually took this...' kind of thing.

So yesterday, out of boredom I randomly browsed through my folders and found this photo...and did little editing a bit here and there....

a dying white rose I spotted in a corner of the war memorial garden.

It might not be the prettiest sight, but still...it gives me inspiration for something better in my life.  

30DBC Day 17: Give Thanks.

I remember during my school time, we used to buy these little 'diaries' and asked our school or classmates to fill it in.  I think the diary of mine still kept somewhere at my mom's home - need to start digging up I guess.  Anyway, among of all the entries by my friends, until today I remember this one particular ex-classmate's entry.  

Other kids were just filling with their usual babbles but what makes this one so close to my mind till now is that she just wrote 2 words in one page - written neatly with colored pen that says 'Give Thanks'.  

Back then, I didn't understand...why those words?  When others wrote 'good luck' or 'may you be successful', she wrote 'Give Thanks'?  Along the years of growing up, leaving teen years, entering adulthood and yeah...getting older now (LOL)...it's been so many years..finally...I understand the true meaning of 'Give Thanks'.  (Lambat pick up kan...)

So...the answer was there all along.

To give thanks from the smallest to the biggest things in our lives...because most of the time, we forgot to say 'thank You' for our happiness, and break down and cry when things didn't go in our favor.  Or sometimes, we put a condition to achieve happiness, 'I will be happy when...' or 'I will be happy if...'

So who is actually to be blamed for when we are not happy?  Not the people or circumstances...but ourselves.  When we dwell too much on the things that hurts us, nor make us sad...we forgot that we had many other things to be thankful for, we overlooked that there are many other reasons to be happy.  

For the air that we breathe, for friends that we still have with us, for family members that we still have, for the roof above our head, for still having jobs, for still having healthy body, for the tap water that flows, for the food on the table, for the cat that loves us, for being able to speak, to sing, the sun, the rain...etc.  Gosh, how many of us even remember to say 'thank you' that we are still able to wake up in the morning!!  We are alive, we are given another day to live, to shape our lives and walked in that path.  For every obstacles we went through - circumstances to build the positive self image we had today - did it crossed our minds to say 'thank you'?

Now I understand that being grateful, by giving thanks, we realised that there is more to life than the one particular thing we focused on - and when we are thankful, we are happy - because we are rich than what we thought we are, and we began to appreciate all those we had.  

It's not happy people who are thankful, it's the thankful people who are happy.  

Give thanks.

To that friend who shared those words with me...I would like to say, 'Thank You.' for sharing it with me.  It's been years but I do hope someday I can meet you and personally convey my thanks.  

30DBC Day 15: Quote for the day

Source

30DBC Day 11: Blessings That I Received.

Today is another Friday.  Been having writer's block since last night and it is not a good thing...and I have yet post some photos of yesterday's press conference I attended (will write about this one after this, I promise!!!).

I had quite an eventful day in the morning.  Tried to 'unblock' these thoughts for a morning stroll at the Ujana Rimba park, jumping, waving my hands, swaying my hips from side to side in the midst of the senior citizens whom having their morning aerobics in the park every morning.  Too bad I am too late for Taichi, else I would chuck myself in between too.  After that 15 minutes workout, I am good to go for strolling slowly in the park, with headphones and music blasting in my ears, I am in my own world.  

What I like about these activities is that, whenever the music starts to fill my ears, I am drifted in my own little world - I can take my own sweet time to think, having some thoughts to myself, doing some self reflection at my own time.  

I know things haven't been good to me lately, but that doesn't mean that I don't have some good moments as well.  I learnt sometime ago, that always to seek something to be grateful of, something good that comes with the bad, no matter how terrible the situation was.  As the saying goes, 'there is always a silver lining behind the dark clouds.'

Comparing myself with some people out there, I guess I am still more fortunate.  I haven't lost anything.  At times I do feel that I am in the losing side, where universe is always attempt to get me on the down side of life, but everytime - I am still amazed with myself that I live to this day.  I still wake up and live my day, one day at a time.

This morning, I learnt that I found lots of thing as to compensate the ones that I lost.  I found new friendship lately, I still keep the old ones.  I strengthen the bond with few.  I had fun, I still going places.  Most of all, I learnt and I able to wake up in the morning and be thankful for everything.

With every hug, every simple messages, every caring gestures and kind thoughts without the need to say anything, I do understand.  I am truly blessed.  I feel blessed because I am not alone.  The higher above sent you all for me for a purpose, and maybe...some of you out there has prayed for me.  

So, I am returning this kindness to you out there.  My friends whom I met, whom I only interact via the social networks, to the silent readers who faithfully still visiting my blog from time to time...

Be blessed.

30DBC Day9: If You Read This, Do it! =)

Source

Have a nice day! 

Me and What I Believe In.

Most people that I knew in my circles was born and raised to practice different religious beliefs.   One of my early childhood memories is the then a kid version of AngeLBeaR, and my first religious teacher is my late Ingkung James (my paternal grandpa).

I remembered the days where he taught me, from learning how to do the sign of the cross correctly, memorizing prayers, how to recite the rosary and when I finally learn how to read, I started to read the Bible.  Along the way, I stumbled, raised and fall in my journey of life.

There are times I am confused, wandering like a lost soul...then came the moments where it brings me to the path I am today.  I am still seeking my answers to lots of questions in life and still looking as I am typing this. Sometimes when I feel down, I would find solace and comfort by searching for some inspirational quotes, to lift my weary spirit, to give myself some hope when nothing in this world would want to offer.

One of it is this:

For over two thousand years, Christianity has been a a tremendous source of strength, support, and inspiration for millions of people all over the world. Whether it be in the Old or New Testament in the Bible, or the words written and spoken by Christian sages, saints, or other prominent christian figures, one can find a multitude of inspiriting Christian quotes.  
Perhaps you are feeling down or are stuck in life and looking for an inspirational messages to help pick you up and light your way. Maybe you are a parent wanting to convey some core teachings of Christianity to your child. Or perhaps you are an aspiring theologian looking for some inspiring words to complement your Christian studies. For all these cases, you will find the following list of inspirational Christian Quotes very useful.

Quotes From the Bible

”When dreams come true at last, there is life and joy.” (Proverbs 13:12)
”Be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.” (James 5:8)
"It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)
”He will give his people strength. He will bless them with peace.” (Psalm 29:11)
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)
”He had great success in everything he did because the Lord was with him.” (1 Samuel 18:14)
”We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." (Isiah 26:3)
"For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name. And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation." (Luke 1:49-50)
”Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Quotes From Christian Authors and Influential Figures

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen.  Not only because I see it, but because I see everything that is by it. (C.S. Lewis)
"As we trust God to give us wisdom for today's decisions,  He will lead us a step at a time into what He wants us
to be doing in the future."  (Theodore Epp)
"Instead of complaining that God had hidden himself, you will give Him thanks for having revealed so much of Himself." (Blaise Pascal)

"To love someone means to see him as God intended him." (Feodor Dostoevsky)
"Bad will be the day, for every man when he becomes absolutely contented with the life that he is living, with the thoughts that he is thinking, with the deeds that he is doing, when there is not forever beating at the doors of his soul some great desire to do something larger, which he knows that he was meant and made to do because he is still, in spite of all, the child of God." (Phillips Brooks)
"If you judge people, you have not time to love them." (Mother Teresa)
"God speaks to us through our desires, then as we lay them at His feet, He helps us sort them out and quiets our hearts to accept what He has already prepared. " (Rosalind Rinker)

"All the blessings we enjoy are Divine deposits, committed to our trust on this condition, that they should be dispensed for the benefit of our neighbors." (John Calvin)

"I would rather walk with God in the dark than go alone in the light." (Mary Gardiner Brainard)

Further Study

One can spend endless hours studying, contemplating, and delving into the deeper meaning of the inspiring words of Christianity, as countless theologians and sages have done before. If you are are a Christian counselor, the inspiring Christian quotes can also be a useful tool in your work or healing others. If you are an aspiring Christian counselor, it would be a worthwhile investment to pursue a Christian counseling degree to help you in communicating the message of God in your healing of people.

Sources:

Christian-inspirational-quotes.com
Innspirational-quotes.us/christian_inspirational_quotes.php
A-simple-christian.com/christian-quotes.html
Christian-at-heart.com/inspiring-christian-quotes.html


No, I am not saying that I am a really good Christian, but I am doing my best to live as a human - to do good to as much as God's creation as possible before I passed on.  

ps:  If you are wondering why my blog link name was 'charity1313' search for 1 Corinthians 13:13.

There is Time For Everything

Sunday Thoughts.

Thoughts of the Day....

Stop being ungrateful. 

No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Change...

Everyone has a resolution for every new year.  I haven't been making any resolutions for every year that came but I guess this year, I am making a little exception to myself.

For this year, I am hoping to be able to try some new things that I never tried before, to be a better me than last year...and to treat every single day as special.  I will wear what I want, the perfume I like, make up when I feel like it.  Even going in my high heels.  

No more saving for 'special occasions' because every minute I spent to myself is special...I am special in my own way and I don't have to follow the herd just to make them happy, and feeling sad for myself for not able to stand for my own.

My first time trying archery.  Who said you don't have to dress to kill?

I am me, I will not be someone to make others happy.

I owned by no one, but to myself.  

I owe my happiness to my ownself, not everyone else.

You don't like it, then that's your problem.

Summing Up 2011.

Finally...the last day of 2011.  Everyone's been recapping what they had done for the past months of 2011.  Overall, I can describe 2011 is the year filled of loses and gains.  Both the happiest and yet, the saddest part of my life engraved for 2011 tombstone, and guess what...looking back, it wasn't as bad as I thought.  

I travelled...visiting places I had been and never been....saw interesting things...and discover new people...

Meeting and spending time with friends, building new friendships as I go along....

Of course...Paintball....

Food.....(this is a must!)..just to list down a few...hehhee...

How much my life has changed from the beginning of the year till now?

I would say...a lot.  =)

All the experiences, travel to places gives a new experiences each time, thru my eyes, captured thru my little camera...friendships I gained...each morsel of food I tasted...it is always something new and unforgettable.

I am thankful for things that I lost, for it remind me that nothing is permanent and constant in this world.  

I am thankful for all things that hurt me, for I discover that I still able to forgive and move on, that's a sign of strength.  

I am thankful that I still had the opportunity to go places where some people can only dream and wished they could.

I am thankful for trials come my way, for it was a journey of self discovery, to discover my strength and my weaknesses, and not to let it happen again.

I am thankful for the friendships strengthened, for I knew that they are worth to keep.

I am thankful for the friendships I had all along, for I knew that till now, they still with me, for who I am.


I am thankful for the new friendships I made, for it made my life more colorful.

I am thankful for my family...for they worth more than gold.

I am thankful for things I still have, while the rest has scattered into pieces, it doesn't matter.  I learn to appreciate what I had in my hands now.

Thank you for everything 2011.  For the tears, laughter and hopes.  For shaping me into who I am today.   

For everyone...for everything.  Thank you so much.  Much love.

Here's to say, Farewell 2011...and Hello 2012!!!! <3

AngeLBeaR 
31.12.2011

Something To Ponder...

As much as we telling ourselves that we will never forgive that certain people for what they did to us...

....for when we forgive, we are doing a great favor not to them, but to ourselves.  Have a nice weekend everyone.


Note:  I found this sticker while queuing to get my bus ticket from Keningau to KK recently.   Like all of you out there, I had my ups and downs, and recently been through one of the most painful moments in my life.  I convinced myself that I had forgive...but it seem not helping at all.  Until that day when I was in deep thought, and waiting for my turn to get my ticket, I looked up and saw this sticker.  Coincidence?  You decide.

What Are Words....

How many of people out there meant what they say?  

Maybe you were wondering what happened to AngeLBeaR after her food posts, suddenly she switched to some 'emotional' post here...LOL....

If you still wondering why...check out this video below and listen to every single word:



Chris Medina & Juliana Ramos' story inspired Rodney Jerkins to write this song.  Their love story almost like a fairy tale until she had an accident in 2009, 2 months shy from their wedding day that gave this couple the hardest trial they had to go through till now.  She suffered severe skull fracture, traumatic brain injury, multiple fractures to her beautiful face and partially paralyzed.  Chris is no longer her fiancée, he was her primary caretaker, and together with Juliana's family they arranged, planned and attended the daily treatments for her. It was not easy, nor inexpensive either.    


Note:  Chris Medina is one of the hopeful American Idol contestants but failed to get into the next round (which caused J-Lo a tearful moment when she had to announced it to him that he was eliminated).

Now, what I learnt from this story...is that not many people will choose this road where Chris has chosen.  Many won't blame him if he choose not to take this responsibility, or leave in search for a better, smooth life ahead for himself.  Most might tell him that he has a life to go on his own, rather than let everything passes him by for something that is uncertain. But I guess, Juliana is his life.  God sent Juliana an angel in disguise of a man named Chris.  

So...how many of us actually willing to do what we exactly said?
When we say "I love you." to that special someone, does it meant we love them for that moment, because of the good things they given or did to us?  
When we say "I'll always be with you" does it mean only for the good times at that moment?  
When we say "I care for you." does it including when they are down, sick or in trouble?
When we say "I'll be there for you" does it includes when they need someone the most?

I leave this chorus of the song for you to think about:

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words if they're only for good times then they don't?
When it's love, yeah you say them out loud 
Those words they never go away, they lived on,
Even when we're gone...


The story of Chris and Juliana is a good example of crossing the selfishness, self-sacrifice and devotion so that the other can still lived on; through good and bad times together.  Chris represents a group of people who believe that with love, nothing is impossible.  

Why don't we start to tell everyone around us...that we love them...we care for them and really meant what we say?  Look around us...we might overlooked that someone we left behind because of our own selfishness and still hoping, wondering if you realised that the people we left actually meant what they say.

Don't wait.  Don't say 'later' because...maybe it will be the last time we ever had the chance to do or say so.


Many a medical assistant have seen it every day.  Perhaps part of a patient care technician's certification could include encouragement to families to do this.

Memories of yesterday...

Hang In There....

Sometimes, all they want is people who willingly to listen.

You don't have to say anything.  Just be there to listen.  That's more than enough to let them to hang on.