IF...

If only time is reversible..there is no way that I would let you come into my life. If time can be turn around, I won't allow you to come back and messed up with my life. I will never had treated you something that you didn't deserve.

Don't call me your 'friend', cause I am not your friend.
Don't call me your companion, cause you are one non-companion...you are a fake, you come to me because you simply a parasite that sucks the goodness from others in order for you to survive. When you got what you want, you kill the host and left it to die and you search for a new host for you to live on again.

If I can turn back the hands of time, I will never open my heart for you. I will never let you live in my life as part of me, let alone in the circle of my friendship.
If I follow my heart, I wish I could hurt you back with all the words that I had kept in me now, I wish you could reap what you sow, even not from me, but from others.

You - the dangerous snake that not supposed to be let live in our world.
You - the species of human being that didn't deserve to be treated nicely.
You - the person who will someday left alone and gain nothing and had no one around you.

If only I had the heart to yell at you, or to tell you to get a life...without thinking twice.
If only I can kill this little compassion for someone like you - so that I can strike back at you without feeling guilty or feeling bad, though you had knocked me down so hard.
If only I can spat in your face or give a good slap so that you will know how hurtful it is.

The greatest mistake that I had done is letting someone as fake as you to live in me, to be welcomed in my life, my home, my family. I tell you, feel happy to see me like this. Laugh as much as you can..cause someday, you gonna cry and you will come back, on your knees and begging for my apology and mercy. I tell you - that day, I will never lay my eyes on you. I never fall for your tears or your kindness ever again. True - over certain period of time, I will forgive...I might had banished this anger within me. But I will never forget - and whenever I remember that - I will be disgusted whenever they mention your name. I will be sick to hear about you.

You know what....thanks to you, I learnt not to make the same mistake again. I will be more careful with people like you.

If only I can turn back the time, I wish I would return to the day where we all first met. I wish I didn't go to that small gathering...so that I won't be introduced to you. I wish that I never knew you at all...

Time will always heal the pain...
but time will never erase all the things that you had done to me. Damage is done, no words or acts can reconcile what you had did to pretend it never happens...

Walls...

I don't like what I feel now.
This feeling that somehow tries to overtake who I am now....is really scaring me. I felt like...being someone else, that I don't even know who am I...and everytime I looked into the mirror, it feels like looking into a stranger's eyes.

This feeling of hatred, anger, hurt, disappointment, betrayed with a dash of fear and confusion all built up. Yes, I am angry at that person. Yes, I am disappointed at what that person did to me. Yes, I am determine not to be in contact with such person again. But...no, I don't want to hate that person. No, I don't like being mean or act mean towards that person.

This wall is slowly imprison me. I feel trapped in my own world.
Walls of hatred and bitterness. No, I don't want to live within these walls.

Is there any way for me to release this darkness that slowly pulls me down and stopping me from reaching for the light?
Can I escape from the walls that was getting higher each day...pulling me in and trap me?

Help...

Where and What to Eat?

Lately I've been eating out a lot....there goes my waistline...=p well....who cares la kan...after all, I still on a workout (desperately need one too before going to KL). In case you people come to KK, and didn't know what to eat...get a car (or get a Sabahan friend who stays in KK) to drive you around for the yummy food =p

This is smoked clams available at Jalan Salut, near the Politeknik. Don't under estimate the look of the stalls...the food there is cheap and nice too. Owh, please ignore the 2 hungry wolves in the photo..hehehhee.....

This is no ordinary coconut. It's coconut pudding in the coconut shell! Yummyyyy~~~ cold coconut pudding, really refreshing, very much to the contrast of the hot smoked clams. Why pay more at the restaurants when you can get it here at the stall? If you are not a dessert freak like me, you need another person to share it with you. =p

BBQ Chicken wings available at almost all food joints in the city. This one's from Anjung Senja is not bad. Yummy finger food when being around with friends, enjoying the jumbo glass of juice - watermelon, orange, apple, carrot and many more, who cares to count the calories? =p Did I mentioned the dark, thick and sweet sauce with a little hint of sour and spice to go with the wings? =p

This is what I normally will order when I'm in Anjung Senja. Soto is an Indonesian food. But it has been very popular here. Well, our food here is influenced by lots of cultures from other countries but there are still the 'asian taste' to go with it (sometimes I ate Spaghetti at home with freshly grinded chilies with light soy sauce). Ok, back to the soto above, it was simply a mixture of drenched vermicelli, slices of beef / chicken / meatballs and a generous splash of broth usually made from the bones of the cow that has been boiled for a few hours. It was then sometimes garnished with some sliced cucumbers or bean sprouts and off course, a lime to go on with it. Perfectly suitable for the current rainy season. =p

So...why wait? Get the car keys and let's look for food!!!! =)

Break the Friendship Rules~

The hurt was still there, a bit.

What to worry about, right? I still got lots of people that supports me all the way. Those people are my family, and no one can take it from me. So...I guess that I shouldn't need to worry much. It's the person that tried to take advantage on my nice gestures that should worry about herself. Mental sickness, personality problem? I don't know and I don't care either.

I am sick of that fake innocent gestures. My friend, she declared herself to me. A friend? FRIEND???? You can't be a friend to someone you just betrayed or even think to betray. Sick...really sick.....so she hasn't seen the dark side of me. Now, ready to see and feel it. How does it feels to be the enemy....

A friend is someone who will never betray you, not even think of doing it. A friend is someone whom that supposed to be with you - not to break you down. A friend is someone that replaces your family when there is no one else around you. If you break the friendship rules by doing otherwise, shame on you....you just don't know the meaning of friendship.

Tales of Pirates

I still remember the first time when I was told to download this online game by Arif and Lan. When I was in it, I am completely blank, had no idea what to do or where to go in the game. Along the way, I gradually learn the game more, with the help of Momon and the others, I find this game interesting, somewhat funny...yet at the same time you can interact with other players like any other online games.

The first character that I created is a Lance Voyager which I named ShinniGami. It's a voyager but uptil level 45, I decided to create another character as this one's status point was totally messed up. That's where AngeLBeaR, a Phylis cleric came...but again, as she reaches level 50, I quit again and thinking to create a new one...once again, her status and skill points were all messed up. Then again, I tried to create a Phylis Seal Master named Jezzebelle...I'm almost there but then again, it wasn't what I wanted. Ah yes, during the times where I created these characters, I 'adopted' a character given to me by a net friend, an Ami Voyager named Najuwa. She's already level 56 when it was given to me. Seeing that I always failed in building up my character, Momon decided to guide me. This time, he was the one who decided my skill and status points, thus BabyAngeLBeaR was born.

BabyAngeLBeaR is an Ami Battle Cleric, in which Alban gave me a fairy pet for my birthday that she has carries with her until now. So, after lots of help here and there...now my character has been a support for Momon's character. Here she is:

Character Name: BabyAngeLBeaR
Class: Battle Cleric
Level: 53
Pet Level: 10

Well my character isn't strong enough yet to fight but hey, who cares when all that you wanted to do is have fun? Hahaha....for those who are into games to solve quests, level ups and meeting new friends from all around the world, perhaps this game is just for you. What matters most, it's Free! =p

Ngajat Tampi - Noraniza Idris

This is one of my favorite ethnic music sung by Malaysian artist, Noraniza Idris. I think she did a great job with this one. Reminded me of my days when I'm still with the Sabandar Bay Resort Cultural Troupe in year 2000. I wonder if Noraniza ever think of wanted to compose a song with Sabahan dialect? I can't wait for that. =)

Tampi ngalah tampi
Ngadik tampi ngalah
Padi ngabang
Esok hamba datang
Tumpang makan nak
Tumpang makan

( ramai )
Sentak tangan kanan
Ngalah ngadik peluk tangan kiri
Jangan hamba jangan
Ngalah ngabang lupa dilupakan

Tilek tenung
Ngabang lama ditenun
Tenung budi anak negeri...
Oh...oh...oh...oh...lale di lale
Nak menumpang kasih
Tuan budiman
Nak menumpang kasih
Tuan budiman

Tampi ngalah tampi ngadik tampi
Ngalah padi ngabang
Padi ngabang
Jemur tengah hari
Petang kering petang keringnya

( ramai )
Sentak tangan kanan
Ngadik tampi
Peluk tangan kiri
Sedulang bersama
Ngalah ngabang makan bersama

Bukan hamba nak sebarang tumpang
Tumpang kasih nak berlangsir sayang
Bukan hamba nak sebarang singgah
Nak berkampung berteratak sayang

( ramai )
Tampi ngalah tampi... tampi ngalah tampi
Ngalah dik
Tampi ngalah padi... tampi ngalah padi
Sedulang bersama... dek bersama
Makan kita makan bersama

Sentak tangan kanan ngalah dik
Peluk tangan kiri
Jangan hilang jangan
Ngalah ngabang hilang di hati

Bukan kenang nak sebarang kenang
Kenang budi di anjunglah hati
Bukan walang nak sebarang walang
Walang diri terpisahlah pergi...
Ah...

( Leleng...leleng...leleng...leleng...leleng
Uyau along leleng nalan )

Nyalang burung
Burung kenyalang
Diperabung rumah bertinggung
Oh...oh...oh...oh... lale di lale
Bila ingat ngabang berat nak pulang
Bila ingat nagbang berat nak pulang

Tampi ngalah tampi...
Ngadik tampi
Ngalh padi ngabang...
Padi ngabang
Bila tumbuk nanti
Kenang hamba kenang kenangkan

Sentak tangan kanan...
Sentak tangan kanan ngalah dik
Peluk tangan kiri...
Peluk tangan kiri...
Jangan hamba jangan
Ngalah ngabang lupa dihati

Cance

Hope

Never lose hope. Sometimes, faith as small as the mustard seeds too, can move mountains. =)

[Verse 1 (Twista)]
I wish the way I was living could stop, serving rocks,
Knowing the cops is hot when I'm on the block,
And I Wish my brother woulda made bail,
So I won't have to travel 6 hours to see him in jail,
And I Wish that my grandmother wasn't sick,
Or that we would just come up on some stacks and hit a lick,
And I (I wish) Wish my homies wouldn't have to suffer,
When the streets get the upper hand on us and we lose a brother,
And I Wish I could go deep in a zone,
And lift the spirits of the world with the words with in this song,
And I (I wish) Wish I could teach a soul to fly,
Take away the pain out cha hands and help you hold them hi,
And I Wish my hommie Butch was still alive
And on the day of his death we had never took that ride,
And I (I wish) Wish God could protect us from the wrong
So that all the solders that were sent over seas come home
We will never break, though they devastate, we shall motivate,
And we gotta pray, all we got is faith.
Instead of thinking about who gonna die to day,
The Lord is gonna help you feel better, so you ain't gotta cry today.
Sit at the light so long,
And then we gotta move straight forward, cuz we fight so strong,
So when right go wrong,
Just say a little prayer, get ya money man, life go on!!!
Let's HOPE!

[Chorus (Faith Evans)]
Cuz I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but that's okay.
cause we hopeful

[Verse 2 (Twista)]
I wish that you could show some love,
Instead of hatin so much when you see some other people commin up (I wish)
I wish I could teach the world to sing,
Watch the music and have 'em trippin of the joy I bring, (shiit)
I wish that we could hold hands,
Listen instead of dissin lessons from a grown man, And I (I wish)
Wish the families that lack, but got love, get some stacks
Brand new shack and a lack that's on dubs, And I
Wish we could keep achieving wonders,
See the vision of the world through the eyes of Stevie Wonder, (you feel me) (I wish)
And I hope all the kids eat,
And don't nobody in my family see six feet, (ya dig)
I hope them mothers stain' strong,
You can make it whether you wit him or your mans gone, And I (I wish)
Wish I could give every celly some commissary,
And the po po bring the heat on them priest like they did R. Kelly, And I
Wish that DOC could scream again
And bullets could reverse so Pac and Biggie breath again, (shit) (I wish)
Then one day they could speak again,
I wish that we only saw good news every time we look at CNN,
I wish that we could never get the blues,
Wish I could bring back the people that died, Eddy too
I wish that we could walk a path, stay doin the right thing
Hustle hard so the kids maintain up in the game,
Let's HOPE

[Chorus (Faith Evans)]
Cuz I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but that's okay.
cause we hopeful

[Verse 3 (Twista)]
Wish the earth wasn't so apocalyptic,
I try to spread my message to the world the best way I can give it,
We can make it always so optimistic,
If you don't listen gotta live my life the best way I can live it,
I pray for justice when we go to court,
Wish it was all good so the country never even went to war
Why can't we kick it and just get em on,
And in the famous words of Mr. King "Why can't we all just get along",
Or we can find a better way to shop and please, And I
Hope we find a better way to cop a keys, And I
Wish everybody would just stop and freeze,
And ask way are we fulfillin these downfalls and prophecies,
You can be wrong if it's you doubting,
With the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains,
And only the heavenly father and ease the hurt,
Just let it go and keep prayin on your knees in church!!
And let's HOPE

[Chorus (Faith Evans) X2]
Cuz I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but that's okay.
cause we hopeful...