Ruins...

Elizabeth Gilbert once wrote, "Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

So how many ruins we had in our lives before we actually transforming ourselves for something better?
 I no longer can recall how many times I had fallen down so hard, trying to get back up again without having the urge to give up, let go and just...stop living.

Those painful moments where my world just crumbled down, leaving me nothing my just barely bits and pieces of what I had left, and building another same foundation again to believe, to have faith once again that things, that life is gonna be okay.

The moments where sometimes I am getting my hands full...one hand clinging to the people who wanted to get back up again, yet at the same time, another hand was clinging tightly to anything that I can hang on, so that I won't fall.  Yet there are times where I feel like as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff, waiting, watching my back so no one can push me down.  Yet, so many times, they did.

As my own world crumbled apart, with no one to help me picking up the pieces; when everyone I knew avoiding me like plague - I am amused at myself that I still can get up, walked and yes, very much alive..to the very surprise of those who love to see me fall.

Sometimes I felt like I was forced to keep my life transparent - that I been watched every step I took, every single word I uttered, the people who wanted to know why I was laughing and finding a way to stop me from laughing, to wipe that smile from my face; the very same people who wanted to know the cause of my tears so there will be more tears to be squeeze out from me.  I can't talk to someone without anyone asking me the reason why, what we are talking about.  I can't be seen with anyone as if it was always a shame for anyone to be with me. 

I no longer bother to ask why no one was there for me when I needed them.  because it doesn't matter anymore.
I stopped waiting for someone to be there when my world is falling apart.
I no longer wishes for a hug, for someone to be there to listen, to share my bad times because no one will be there but me anyway. 

When is the last time someone came to me and tell me that everything is going to be okay? I can't even remember.

In a way...Elizabeth Gilbert is right.  Ruin is a gift.  Ruin is the road to transformation.  For each time what I had, what I longed for is lost...it turns me into someone that knew how it was when someone else was having the hardest time of their lives. 

But that doesn't mean that I will allow myself to be used, ruined once again. 
A new transformation has begun.

Paintball Sport: PAINTful or PAINful?

It's been quite sometime since the last time I rant about paintball and safety, that at certain times, I got the feeling that back then my followers/readers (if I still have any today) got bored...in fact, I myself got sick of repeating the same thing over and over again.

"MASK ON!"
"BARREL SOCKS ON!"

But then again...it is our duty to remind everyone about these when they violated the safety rules, so that innocent people are not hurt, to protect the ignorants in the field as well so that they still can have both eyes intact and play paintball, and hopefully changed into someone who cares the sport as much as we do.

Lately, what bothers me is that there had been reports, stories that some players purposely set their markers exceeding the safety limit.

Note: we have this radar chronograph that can detect how many feet per second that a paintball travels and how many balls per second it can shoot.  In any tournaments, it should be no more than 300 feet.  In normal playing fields, the operators normally set their markers to 260-280 feet per second (307km/h) the most.  

So why do we need to keep an eye on this as well, you might ask?  If you seen me personally, you'll notice the bruises I had on my legs, arms, neck and sometimes if you got lucky, you might spot a lump on my forehead.  That's the result of getting hit by paintballs that travels below 300 feet per second (about 329km/h).  So imagine if you got hit something more than that, say, 350 feet per second at a very close range, maybe 1-2 meters away from you?

Perhaps, the shooter didn't realised this, maybe because they got to sit behind a bunker, possibly meters away from the opponent and all they knew is saw the unsuspected poor player passed by, pull the trigger and showered paintballs on them, feeling proud of able to hit them and the poor victim unable to shoot back.  So what gives?  Pride?  Happy?  Honor to injure someone?

Think about a more serious thing that might happened...what if it hits the mask and it breaks?  Can you live with the consequences that you might blinded someone because of your 'I don't care', selfish, arrogant attitude?

The next time you think of doing that, put yourself into the shoes of your opponent, that you are the person who got hit by such powerful, painful impact of not one, not two but at least 30 balls shooting at you per second with 400 feet per second and see if you can stand the pain, when it hits you.  

Paintball is supposed to be a sport that values positive sportsmanship.  It unites people from all walks of life.  

If the purpose of playing paintball for you is just to cause injury, pain to others and you are proud of it, I would honestly said that you have no place in the community for people who worked hard to keep this sport grow.  

If you lose the game, lose with honor.  If you win, make sure that you truly deserve that win.  But winning through all means of injure someone for your own pleasure, breaking the safety rules as such - there is no pride in such win because you got someone's pain in your hands.  

Make this sport PAINful or PAINTful?  
You decide today.

For the love of the sport, you will know what to do.  Act now, do your part as a paintball player.  Not just the operators, organizers, referees.  The responsibility lies in everyone's hands. 

Pain, paint, paint~!

I think I kena paintball overdose syndrome.  

May, June and last weekend, July is my almost non-stop paintball activities almost every weekends.  Every person that I met also remarked that they seen me in few different places in short span of time based on my updated activities in Facebook.  

Ramadhan came and it's a relief to me.  Really relieved because at least I can rest from traveling for events or running the local events for a while.  

So, in case you were wondering,  I was in KK last month for the Sabah Paintball League, then a week or so later, I touched down Kuching for the Kuching Cup 3 vs 3.

Us....Splatz1 Katz

Borneo ladies rock the field!

With another all ladies team, the SuperGrass - which gathers up players from Sarawak and Brunei

Carole from Kuching (center, white top with pink headband), Lulu from Brunei (right, black top with colorful headband), Nia from Kuching (left, red shirt), Daff from Kuching (back left, blue top), Yours truly with purple headwrap, Arry from Sabah (next to me, red headwrap) and Joanne (behind Lulu).

Can you spot me in the video? Hehehehe~

Anyway, after Kuching, a week after that I sail off to Labuan as the head referee for Labuan Pusatko Open 2013.  

 Though tiring, but our accomodation was arranged at Papaya's Beach Lodge...

All the tiredness just fades away with the peace and quiet environment here...

Who says only grown ups plays paintball?  This 3 siblings are no more than 15 years of age, they stole the attention away from the Open division players and guess what, their team won GOLD for Rookie category!

Happy winners....Team United Paintballers (a team consists of players from Sandakan, KK and KL) with Team Crazie Darkside (Sarawak, KL & Brunei) all smiles with their winning trophy.  2 days of hardwork finally paid off!

one for the album with Labuan referees and Team Crazie Darkside...

you guys are bullies! LOL~

Barely a day I arrived from Labuan, an unexpected job came in.  A referee friend of mine, Vicky asked me if I can help out for the Sandakan 3 vs 3 Challenge that very same weekend.  So, 4 days after that...yours truly flew to Sandakan...

 Oh yeah...travelling in style! =p

I salute this uncle for enduring the sun and rain to be in the field with us.

He is also a paintball player but this time around, he asked if he can get inside to be a paintball ref.

Honestly, I am a little concerned since I never worked with referees whom are 20 years older than me, and kept reminding him that if he can't go on, I would understand, but he finished the tournament anyway and still in good spirits!

If this is not putting the younger players in shame, I don't know what will.  

 A gift from Vicky, all the way from Japan!

Thank you!!!!!! 

 Me and Vicky, with the Sandakan Referees

Teams that came all the way from Kota Kinabalu, Tawau and Sandakan respectively.

Well...last weekend's Sandakan trip is to end the half year of paintball season for me in 2013.  Now that Ramadhan is here, I can take this opportunity to rest, and yes, will be travelling again in a week or so...but this time, it's nothing about paintball (well, almost) hehehehehe~  

I can't wait to meet up with some friends.

Till then, see you in next post!

Last weekend's training...

2 tournament's down....and this weekend, will be in Kuching for another.

Am still trying to get everything sorted out and yeah...honestly, I feel nervous!  We had our final drill and training last weekend, and thankfully, Ari happened to be in KK all the way from Brunei and helped us along with our training.

Thank you ya...for helping us a lot!

Getting these guys to help us out too...Kenchy, Simon and Sean...

Preparing our markers and everything, while Ari looks on.

...and at the end of the day...post mortem and all....

We all had fun! 

So...yeah, hope that we are well prepared for coming tournament this weekend....Splatz1 Katz will make her first debut in Kuching! Wish us luck!

Splatz1 Katz will be going to Kuching this weekend.

Arry, yours truly and Joanne

More Paint, Bruises Coming...

Seems like there will be an almost back to back tournaments I am going to get involved with.  Seriously...I didn't realise it until I was checking on the calendar to mark the tournament days to realised that.

So...what do I had in my schedule for weeks to come?

CAP3 Event this saturday...(25/05/2013)

 

Sabah Paintball League Cup (Round 2) next week... (01/06/2013 - 02/06/2013)

Not long after that...Kuching Cup 3 vs 3 (15/06/2013 - 16/06/2013)

and...soon after...

PusatKo Paintball Open 2013 Labuan (29/06/2013 - 30/06/2013)

So...there will be more paint, more bruises, more sunburns...hopefully, losing more weight!  

hahahaha...!!!