IF...

If only time is reversible..there is no way that I would let you come into my life. If time can be turn around, I won't allow you to come back and messed up with my life. I will never had treated you something that you didn't deserve.

Don't call me your 'friend', cause I am not your friend.
Don't call me your companion, cause you are one non-companion...you are a fake, you come to me because you simply a parasite that sucks the goodness from others in order for you to survive. When you got what you want, you kill the host and left it to die and you search for a new host for you to live on again.

If I can turn back the hands of time, I will never open my heart for you. I will never let you live in my life as part of me, let alone in the circle of my friendship.
If I follow my heart, I wish I could hurt you back with all the words that I had kept in me now, I wish you could reap what you sow, even not from me, but from others.

You - the dangerous snake that not supposed to be let live in our world.
You - the species of human being that didn't deserve to be treated nicely.
You - the person who will someday left alone and gain nothing and had no one around you.

If only I had the heart to yell at you, or to tell you to get a life...without thinking twice.
If only I can kill this little compassion for someone like you - so that I can strike back at you without feeling guilty or feeling bad, though you had knocked me down so hard.
If only I can spat in your face or give a good slap so that you will know how hurtful it is.

The greatest mistake that I had done is letting someone as fake as you to live in me, to be welcomed in my life, my home, my family. I tell you, feel happy to see me like this. Laugh as much as you can..cause someday, you gonna cry and you will come back, on your knees and begging for my apology and mercy. I tell you - that day, I will never lay my eyes on you. I never fall for your tears or your kindness ever again. True - over certain period of time, I will forgive...I might had banished this anger within me. But I will never forget - and whenever I remember that - I will be disgusted whenever they mention your name. I will be sick to hear about you.

You know what....thanks to you, I learnt not to make the same mistake again. I will be more careful with people like you.

If only I can turn back the time, I wish I would return to the day where we all first met. I wish I didn't go to that small gathering...so that I won't be introduced to you. I wish that I never knew you at all...

Time will always heal the pain...
but time will never erase all the things that you had done to me. Damage is done, no words or acts can reconcile what you had did to pretend it never happens...

Walls...

I don't like what I feel now.
This feeling that somehow tries to overtake who I am now....is really scaring me. I felt like...being someone else, that I don't even know who am I...and everytime I looked into the mirror, it feels like looking into a stranger's eyes.

This feeling of hatred, anger, hurt, disappointment, betrayed with a dash of fear and confusion all built up. Yes, I am angry at that person. Yes, I am disappointed at what that person did to me. Yes, I am determine not to be in contact with such person again. But...no, I don't want to hate that person. No, I don't like being mean or act mean towards that person.

This wall is slowly imprison me. I feel trapped in my own world.
Walls of hatred and bitterness. No, I don't want to live within these walls.

Is there any way for me to release this darkness that slowly pulls me down and stopping me from reaching for the light?
Can I escape from the walls that was getting higher each day...pulling me in and trap me?

Help...

Where and What to Eat?

Lately I've been eating out a lot....there goes my waistline...=p well....who cares la kan...after all, I still on a workout (desperately need one too before going to KL). In case you people come to KK, and didn't know what to eat...get a car (or get a Sabahan friend who stays in KK) to drive you around for the yummy food =p

This is smoked clams available at Jalan Salut, near the Politeknik. Don't under estimate the look of the stalls...the food there is cheap and nice too. Owh, please ignore the 2 hungry wolves in the photo..hehehhee.....

This is no ordinary coconut. It's coconut pudding in the coconut shell! Yummyyyy~~~ cold coconut pudding, really refreshing, very much to the contrast of the hot smoked clams. Why pay more at the restaurants when you can get it here at the stall? If you are not a dessert freak like me, you need another person to share it with you. =p

BBQ Chicken wings available at almost all food joints in the city. This one's from Anjung Senja is not bad. Yummy finger food when being around with friends, enjoying the jumbo glass of juice - watermelon, orange, apple, carrot and many more, who cares to count the calories? =p Did I mentioned the dark, thick and sweet sauce with a little hint of sour and spice to go with the wings? =p

This is what I normally will order when I'm in Anjung Senja. Soto is an Indonesian food. But it has been very popular here. Well, our food here is influenced by lots of cultures from other countries but there are still the 'asian taste' to go with it (sometimes I ate Spaghetti at home with freshly grinded chilies with light soy sauce). Ok, back to the soto above, it was simply a mixture of drenched vermicelli, slices of beef / chicken / meatballs and a generous splash of broth usually made from the bones of the cow that has been boiled for a few hours. It was then sometimes garnished with some sliced cucumbers or bean sprouts and off course, a lime to go on with it. Perfectly suitable for the current rainy season. =p

So...why wait? Get the car keys and let's look for food!!!! =)

Break the Friendship Rules~

The hurt was still there, a bit.

What to worry about, right? I still got lots of people that supports me all the way. Those people are my family, and no one can take it from me. So...I guess that I shouldn't need to worry much. It's the person that tried to take advantage on my nice gestures that should worry about herself. Mental sickness, personality problem? I don't know and I don't care either.

I am sick of that fake innocent gestures. My friend, she declared herself to me. A friend? FRIEND???? You can't be a friend to someone you just betrayed or even think to betray. Sick...really sick.....so she hasn't seen the dark side of me. Now, ready to see and feel it. How does it feels to be the enemy....

A friend is someone who will never betray you, not even think of doing it. A friend is someone whom that supposed to be with you - not to break you down. A friend is someone that replaces your family when there is no one else around you. If you break the friendship rules by doing otherwise, shame on you....you just don't know the meaning of friendship.

Tales of Pirates

I still remember the first time when I was told to download this online game by Arif and Lan. When I was in it, I am completely blank, had no idea what to do or where to go in the game. Along the way, I gradually learn the game more, with the help of Momon and the others, I find this game interesting, somewhat funny...yet at the same time you can interact with other players like any other online games.

The first character that I created is a Lance Voyager which I named ShinniGami. It's a voyager but uptil level 45, I decided to create another character as this one's status point was totally messed up. That's where AngeLBeaR, a Phylis cleric came...but again, as she reaches level 50, I quit again and thinking to create a new one...once again, her status and skill points were all messed up. Then again, I tried to create a Phylis Seal Master named Jezzebelle...I'm almost there but then again, it wasn't what I wanted. Ah yes, during the times where I created these characters, I 'adopted' a character given to me by a net friend, an Ami Voyager named Najuwa. She's already level 56 when it was given to me. Seeing that I always failed in building up my character, Momon decided to guide me. This time, he was the one who decided my skill and status points, thus BabyAngeLBeaR was born.

BabyAngeLBeaR is an Ami Battle Cleric, in which Alban gave me a fairy pet for my birthday that she has carries with her until now. So, after lots of help here and there...now my character has been a support for Momon's character. Here she is:

Character Name: BabyAngeLBeaR
Class: Battle Cleric
Level: 53
Pet Level: 10

Well my character isn't strong enough yet to fight but hey, who cares when all that you wanted to do is have fun? Hahaha....for those who are into games to solve quests, level ups and meeting new friends from all around the world, perhaps this game is just for you. What matters most, it's Free! =p